I hate the way I think sometimes. And what’s worse about it is that I can’t change because it’s just who I am; it’s just a part of my “character”. I’m always thinking positive, and it never helps. I’m always trying to look on the brighter side, when sometimes the brighter side doesn’t even really exist. I’m always hoping for the best, when sometimes “it is what it is, nothing more, nothing less”. I’m always giving it another shot or another chance, in thoughts of it having a better outcome than before. I hate myself for that. For always thinking that it’ll get better. time after time, when I should have left it alone a long time ago.
Right now I’m working on this thing I call, “better-ing myself everyday”. I’ve realized a lot of things now that I’m getting older and entering a new chapter of my life. I always had to be so damn blunt about everything and say what’s on my mind. Now, I pick and choose my fights and decide whether or not I need to really open my big ass mouth and throw in my two cents. I’m more cautious about the decisions I make and whether or not it will benefit me.. But at the same time, I am trying not to control every little thing and just “let it be”. Because the more I try to perfect issues in my life and try to fix the direction things are going, the more unhappy I find myself being. I’m learning day by day, to just take life as it is, and to really grow from every bad situation.. From every mistake I make. From every put-down. It gets so hard to think that way though, esp when things get really rough; sometimes I can’t even think straight and I feel like my whole world is ending when things don’t go my way. But all in all, I’m learning. And it’s the progress that matters. I always tell myself, my friends, my boyfriend, and family “It’s okay. It’s a new day tomorrow, so lets try again then.” Life goes on whether you like it or not. And sometimes you really just have to give everything another shot tomorrow. Growth comes from time, patience, and learning.